Sharing and Caring

[MajestyJo]

If I was at your house, I'd ask to use the bathroom and I'd go through the medicine cabinet and take whatever there. I don't need to know what it is. Sometimes I'd be up for days, saying the same thing over and over, chewing my tongue. Other times I'd be falling down, bouncing off the walls. Sometimes I'd get real 'regular'. And I probably took enough pills out of those wheels that there's no chance I'm going to get pregnant this century. - Bob D. (Alkie speaks)

Because I was raised to be a good little Christian girl, stealing didn't come easy for me, even when I was using. I would often try to justify it or talk you out of it but generally did it to your face.

I didn't think I was an alcoholic because I didn't have black outs, I could walk a straight line and had people tell me they never saw me drunk. All things that affirmed that I didn't have a problem.

When I got sober, I didn't realize how stoned I really was, especially when I drank and took the pills too. I would say, "Well I only had 5 drinks, that is nothing, I can't be drunk forgetting that I had a belly full of pills prior to drinking.

Even in my 'drinking' days, before I tried ti quit my way (substituting pills), I took two 222s before going to bed to prevent a hang over or so I said, not sure if I believed it.

I had black outs with the pills. Things I didn't remember doing or saying. I was taking medication that had a street name so it couldn't have been good. I heard people tell there drinking stories and I would think I didn't do that. Then when I got honest, I realized I had those same symptoms when taking the pills. As my drinking decreased, my pill intake increased. I had never heard about AA. When I got there, I found the solution. Don't drink and don't drug! Substitution doesn't work.

It took me a while in recovery to learn and believe that it doesn't matter what the substance is, it all leads to the same soul sickness.

When my mind started to think "more" it didn't matter what it was, what ever was on hand. i.e. food, computer, reading and shutting out the world, TV, bed, etc. all these things allowed me to hide and put up blocks to what I didn't want to face in the moment. I justified it all by saying it wasn't my drug of choice.